One of the most important psychological needs we bring to work is the need for relatedness. People want to feel accepted, to have someone to share a challenge, a coffee break and a small victory with. When that need is met, motivation rises, collaboration gets easier, and working in a team stops being an effort.
But, as with a great many things, too much closeness creates a problem of its own.
Boundaries blur, professionalism quietly gives way, and sometimes a friendship becomes a romance. That is not in itself unusual. It becomes complicated the moment there is a difference in power - when the relationship develops between a manager and someone who reports to them. At that point the private and the professional start to interleave seriously, and that carries risk for the individuals and for the organisation alike.
Workplace romances are not rare. Research suggests more than a quarter of employees in the United States have had one, and a share of those were dating their own manager. Other countries look broadly similar. People spend an enormous part of their day at work, so it is no surprise that relationships sometimes come out of it. That does not make those relationships simple. Companies increasingly ask whether a romance confers a career advantage, whether a break-up can damage the subordinate, and whether either outcome erodes trust and atmosphere in the rest of the team.
Because of those risks, some firms set explicit rules and prohibit romantic relationships where there is a direct reporting line. One of the better-known examples is McDonald's, whose policy forbids sexual relationships between a manager and someone reporting to them, on the reasoning that business decisions must rest on the company's interests rather than on emotion or personal preference. That policy is not a formality: it is why the company's chief executive, Stephen Easterbrook, was removed in 2019 over a relationship with a subordinate.
And while such prohibitions protect the organisation from risk, they have another side. Had similar rules applied earlier, some well-known love stories - Bill and Melinda Gates, or Barack and Michelle Obama - would probably never have started. The balance between healthy relationships and professional boundaries remains a genuinely difficult problem, and plenty of companies are still trying to solve it.
What does the newer research say?
One recent study produced some striking numbers. Employees who begin a relationship with their manager receive, on average, a pay rise of around six per cent. But if the relationship ends, that employee's pay drops sharply - by as much as eighteen per cent. And the effect does not stop with them. Retention across the rest of the team falls too, and it falls hardest precisely where the subordinate in the relationship gained the most.
So: private relationships across a difference in rank can deliver short-term gains to an individual, while leaving the organisation with long-term and expensive consequences. As we said at the start, meeting employees' need for relatedness contributes a great deal to how well an organisation functions. It just matters enormously where the line sits.
When the private and the professional interleave too far - particularly where power is unequal - the consequences run a lot deeper than the initial euphoria. Healthy connection is worth wanting. It needs clear, consistent, respected boundaries that protect the individuals and the organisation both.
